Interdependence vs. Independence

Our passport culture has become too independent! Don't get me wrong. I love being an American! I am grateful for those who have served our country to make and keep us free! In our current day, however, interdependence is sacrificed for independence.

Some have criticized the "It takes a village to raise a child." This past year we needed our "village" to help us get through cancer treatments. People though tend to be all about me and mine. They don't want to worry about you and yours, and they sure do not want you correcting them on anything.

The culture we live in is not that way. We are glad to have our kids play with neighborhood kids and give water to those with whom they play. Twice today though some older kids have stopped at our house, one group even walked up in our house, asking for water. The ones who came up in the house were escorted outside and reprimanded by our house helper. The other group did not stop at any other house but chose ours. Why? Because our white kids were outside and they think we do not know the culture. I went outside to get onto Mariama for refusing water until I saw the situation. So I instead corrected the girls. I asked why they did not stop at any of the other houses. I told them it was not good upbringing and they would not tire their mother out in that way.  The women passing by on the street agreed with me and asked me to be patient. I would have felt funny going out there and correcting them, if it had not been for my house helper doing the same thing this morning. Just as thankful that others would correct my children if they were doing wrong or dangerous, like those that told William and Mariama to get away from the well when we first moved here.

We lose something vital in our very independent culture.

The interdependence is also evident in family situations. Jennifer's husband has fluctuated in his attitude toward her in the past. A couple of weeks ago, over a small thing, he made a spectacle of her, in the middle of the street.  He told her to go back to her mother's home. When she tried to leave later that day, he and his family begged her to stay. The story did not end there.

Her husband's eldest brother lives in the capital. As the patriarch, it was his responsibility to see that the situation was addressed. He arrived this past weekend. They had a sit down of the family with Jennifer. They told him what he did was unnecessary and is not to be repeated. If it were to repeat, his family will pack her up and take her to her mother's home, which would include his son leaving as well. The in-laws, who have not always been overly kind to Jennifer, also said that they would not look for another wife for him and that he should be grateful for all that she has done for him. When Jennifer and I had discussed the situation, she did not want to tell her brothers knowing that they would go after him, and then she would have to visit her brother in jail. Instead, she let his family work it out.

 In our host culture, interdependence is much more important than independence. Sure there are downfalls, like when the family arranges a marriage to get a young man to return to his family's faith.  On the other hand, we lose something when we cut ourselves off from our community and fail to hold one another accountable. For all the stress that families can bring, maybe a little more family and community involvement would do us good.