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Hello, I am a mother of three living with my husband in Africa. I have been blogging for seven years but still find myself very technologically challenged. I make lots of mistakes, but life is a journey. Come join me on the journey!

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Fighting a Battle I was not Meant to Fight

So earlier today I posted about some things I learned last week. This morning as I was thinking about sharing that post, a new lesson came to mind. 

I am a sinner. (Not a new lesson.) I needed a Savior to make me right with God because I could not do it on my own. (Also not new.) I cannot do this life on my own, so I need the Spirit to enable me. (Not new but reminded.) 

Last night in a Study with friends, we were reading 2 Chronicles 20. The people sought the Lord in prayer and fasting because their enemies were coming against them. All the people—- men, women, children, little ones—- were in the temple praying. The Lord revealed that the army was to go out praising the Lord for what He would do and then stand by to see His deliverance. Then the people returned to Jerusalem once again praising Him. 

I have been trying to fight a battle against the enemy—-myself, my sin— that I was not meant to fight. I need to seek the Lord in prayer, recall His faithfulness in the past, praise Him as I go into battle —-live my daily life—- and stand to see His deliverance. When I see that deliverance, I will continue the praising. 

“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” V. 15

Thankful to have a better battle plan than the one I have been using lately. 
“Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever.” V. 21

As a result of the other lesson and this one, yesterday and today have gone much smoother than the last two weeks have. Grateful to God for His deliverance and giving Him praise. His love indeed endures forever! 

Looking at Things All Wrong

In the past, when asking why God gave my children to me rather than someone else, I have comforted myself, and likewise others, that He had some purpose in giving them to me and not someone else. So I should not try to be like someone else. When asking myself why He has brought me to serve Him where we do, I knew it was His calling but somehow thought also because He desired to use gifts that He had placed within me. 

Last week though, under the strain of the weight of my sin, I began to wonder again. (No one knows the weight of our sin like we ourselves.) Why did God call me here to minister, when I remain weighted down by my own sin? Why would God give me this husband and children when I find myself cursing them more than blessing them with my words? How can He ever use me in the work here? Why does my family have to put up with me? 

Then as I read in 1 Samuel and read in Pslams, it occurred to me again that He did not choose me to serve Him in this place or care for my family for the sake of others. He has put me in a place where I realize my complete lost ness without Him so that I can be completely dependent on Him. Everything in our lives is to make us more like Jesus, to make us holy as He is holy, to sanctify us. 

God did not bring me here to serve because there is something in me but to do a work in me. Being in this place at this time is to be sanctifying, to make me holy, even if it means exposing my sin to me so that I can be cleansed of it. God did not give me my children because I deserve them (because I don’t) but to teach me to depend on Him for wisdom and grace and joy when I am foolish. God gave me my husband (bless his heart) to teach me to submit myself and honor another, rather than thinking of myself. Twenty-one years of marriage, and I am still learning to respect him as God has instructed me to do. 

I am a work in progress. I am not what I once was, and I am not yet what I should be. He who began this good work in me is faithful to complete it on that day Christ returns. I apologize to those around me who have to suffer with my sinfulness until that day. If you see me letting my flesh overpower the Spirit within me, help me see it. Please do not let me continue that way. Show me, too, some grace, and I promise to show you some too.