Fighting a Battle I was not Meant to Fight

So earlier today I posted about some things I learned last week. This morning as I was thinking about sharing that post, a new lesson came to mind. 

I am a sinner. (Not a new lesson.) I needed a Savior to make me right with God because I could not do it on my own. (Also not new.) I cannot do this life on my own, so I need the Spirit to enable me. (Not new but reminded.) 

Last night in a Study with friends, we were reading 2 Chronicles 20. The people sought the Lord in prayer and fasting because their enemies were coming against them. All the people—- men, women, children, little ones—- were in the temple praying. The Lord revealed that the army was to go out praising the Lord for what He would do and then stand by to see His deliverance. Then the people returned to Jerusalem once again praising Him. 

I have been trying to fight a battle against the enemy—-myself, my sin— that I was not meant to fight. I need to seek the Lord in prayer, recall His faithfulness in the past, praise Him as I go into battle —-live my daily life—- and stand to see His deliverance. When I see that deliverance, I will continue the praising. 

“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.” V. 15

Thankful to have a better battle plan than the one I have been using lately. 

“Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever.” V. 21

As a result of the other lesson and this one, yesterday and today have gone much smoother than the last two weeks have. Grateful to God for His deliverance and giving Him praise. His love indeed endures forever! 

Looking at Things All Wrong

In the past, when asking why God gave my children to me rather than someone else, I have comforted myself, and likewise others, that He had some purpose in giving them to me and not someone else. So I should not try to be like someone else. When asking myself why He has brought me to serve Him where we do, I knew it was His calling but somehow thought also because He desired to use gifts that He had placed within me. 

Last week though, under the strain of the weight of my sin, I began to wonder again. (No one knows the weight of our sin like we ourselves.) Why did God call me here to minister, when I remain weighted down by my own sin? Why would God give me this husband and children when I find myself cursing them more than blessing them with my words? How can He ever use me in the work here? Why does my family have to put up with me? 

Then as I read in 1 Samuel and read in Pslams, it occurred to me again that He did not choose me to serve Him in this place or care for my family for the sake of others. He has put me in a place where I realize my complete lost ness without Him so that I can be completely dependent on Him. Everything in our lives is to make us more like Jesus, to make us holy as He is holy, to sanctify us. 

God did not bring me here to serve because there is something in me but to do a work in me. Being in this place at this time is to be sanctifying, to make me holy, even if it means exposing my sin to me so that I can be cleansed of it. God did not give me my children because I deserve them (because I don’t) but to teach me to depend on Him for wisdom and grace and joy when I am foolish. God gave me my husband (bless his heart) to teach me to submit myself and honor another, rather than thinking of myself. Twenty-one years of marriage, and I am still learning to respect him as God has instructed me to do. 

I am a work in progress. I am not what I once was, and I am not yet what I should be. He who began this good work in me is faithful to complete it on that day Christ returns. I apologize to those around me who have to suffer with my sinfulness until that day. If you see me letting my flesh overpower the Spirit within me, help me see it. Please do not let me continue that way. Show me, too, some grace, and I promise to show you some too. 

Soldiers Fall on the Field of Battle

Missionaries who die as a result of militants attacking where they are serving are fallen soldiers in a spiritual battle, right?  I mean, that is a no brainer. But what about those who are just going about their daily lives and find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, like eating at a restaurant? What about those who die of illness, because I would not have said my cancer was necessarily a spiritual battle?  Or what about a car accident? Those things happen in the comforts of their home country too, right? So, are they still fallen soldiers in the spiritual battle? Tragic events, yes, but fallen soldiers in battle? 

I confess that I did not always think so. I thought of it as the same as if they died in their home country, since it was in a means that could easily happen there. Maybe that was because I was wanting to comfort my parents that car accidents could happen anywhere. On March 12, a car accident occurred near my parents house and there too was loss of life. So what makes it different, what changed for me to realize I was wrong? 

Randy and Kathy Arnett came to Congo to lead a training on Neopentecostalization, to equip pastors with the Word to “battle” the prosperity heresy that is so prevalent. This training would equip these soldiers to do battle in the enemy territory. On March 14, Randy and Kathy headed to the interior of Congo with Jeff and Barbara Singerman. When I first heard about the accident and about Kathy’s death, I was stunned and yet knew immediately that this was warfare. The enemy was not going to let go of his stronghold easily. I was with my language helper who offered comfort that soldiers fall on the battle field. 

Later, as we heard about Randy, I was even more sure of the battle that was being waged. Randy’s work to educate and equip pastors for this battle had spread all over Africa and was taking back places that the enemy had blinded. Now, who would take up that mantle? Who would lead the soldiers into battle? 

The next day as a sweet Congolese friend and her husband visited Barbara Singerman in the hospital, they repeated the phrase my language helper had shared about soldiers falling in battle. 

I was wrong. I had been wrong for a long time. Yes, car accidents do happen in my home country and can be fatal, but the fact remains, it was the work of the Lord that had Randy and Kathy Arnett in Congo at that time, on that road. They died on the field of battle. As a couple, they looked forward to years ahead in service to the Lord and yet were also aware of His sovereignty. 

That Congolese couple as they visited with Barbara stressed the importance that the rest of us as soldiers would continue to press forward into enemy territory and raise the Lord’s banner. 

So that is what we will do. We will do battle. We will take back territory from the enemy. We will raise the Lord’s banner. We will not let the lives of our fellow soldiers be lost in vain.