Waiting can be such an anxious time!

Waiting!  It is one of my least favorite things to do in the world, especially when it is waiting that I can do virtually nothing about.  I have been known to go a different route in traffic, not that it got me there any sooner but at least I was not sitting and waiting.  But the last couple of weeks have been the hardest I think ever because I have been filled with so much worry. 

Before we came to the capitol, we had a plan.  Rich would drop us off. He would stay here a few days to see the doctor with me and then go back to our town for two to two and a half weeks and then return to the capitol.  But two weeks ago, the doctor's announcement changed our plans.  Upon seeing me, even before examining me, he begged me not to have the baby that week because he was not going to be there.  After examining me, he said I would wait a week, maybe two, but not three or four.  So we had to shift plans.  We had not packed stuff for Rich to stay that long.  He had not let people down there know he was going to be gone that long and had even said he would do something for some of our teammates.  There was stuff we left that we planned on him bringing up with him.  He had planned on taking some language classes for a couple of weeks and so we had not brought all our language materials.  Would it be worth the gas for him to go back for just a week?  After all, most of the stuff we left behind could be purchased here in the capitol. But could we risk him missing the birth of our third child???  The answer for all of us was "No!" 

So what were we to do??

Well, we had some medical things that Rich was needing to get taken care of here in the capitol, so we would try to accomplish those things while we waited.  We quickly shifted gears and got Rich into a doctor to get those things started.  Rich had some "minor" surgery within days of us being told that I would not wait but maybe two weeks.  So during his recovery, I became a little nervous about going into labor while he was still recovering and how much focus he would have on me or how much I would be able to care for him.  But he recovered and more time passed.

I went for monitoring last Thursday and expected to hear positive news, since I had been having lots of contractions since we arrived in the capitol.  The contractions were good enough for the midwife to call the doctor.  Unfortunately, upon his exam, I was not any more or not much more progressed than I had been a week and a half before.  He told me I was too stressed and that I needed to relax, so that the baby would come.  Stressed???  Relax??  Who was he talking to?  Seriously??

So I came home and looked through my pregnancy books to look for tips that might help and tried to think of ways to go about relaxing, since it is not a natural past time for me.  One of the books suggested warm baths with a few drops of lavender oil each time.  I finally thought of where I could get some essential oil and found lavender.  I began taking warm baths twice a day.  I did not know if it would really work for what the book said, but at least I would be clean and move in the right direction of relaxing.  I followed my morning bath with a nap, had an afternoon rest with the rest of the family, and then took my evening bath just before bed.  I even had a cup of tea or a little glass of coke while I was soaking.  Sounds like a pretty relaxing routine right?  Well I still did not feel relaxed, and cried more in those couple of days than I had the past several weeks. 

Saturday evening though, as I sat and soaked, I began crying out to God.  And the Father heard me!  I was concerned about what would happen if she did not come soon and that we had "wasted" this time that Rich could have returned to our town.  But the Father reminded me that we made the best decision that we could with the information the doctor gave us.  That is all we could go on to make our decisions.  Now if the doctor were to be wrong, we could not help that.  Good, bad, or indifferent, this is what we decided needed to happen and that could not be reversed.  As for the "wasted" part,  God knew what I could handle as far as caring for the kids on my own and He knew how much Rich could not handle being apart from us.  Anything that we could have done differently was in the past and could not be changed.  No going back in time now. 

Today marks two weeks.  If she comes this week, then yea--everyone will have been right.  If she takes longer than the doctor thought, hahaha--she fooled him!   If it takes up some of our vacation time as well as medical and paternity leave for us to be here, that is ok too, because we have it and have not hardly used any in the last year.  Whatever happens, the Father knew what was best for everyone in our family.  The Father also has perfect timing, even if I do not know His schedule.  He is still working to fashion Lydia-Ann together in my womb, and she will come out when He is done!  I am thankful that God is God and I am not, and that He continues to teach me to trust Him more each day.  He is still working to fashion me into more of His likeness as well. 

It's almost time to go to the capitol---Hooray!

I am so excited this morning that it is almost time to go to the capitol to the point that I could hardly sleep and got up early.  Of course, there are the obvious reasons for me to be excited.  First of all, the arrival of our new baby girl in the next month.  Second, some cooler temperatures hopefully.  Third, some time off from language class, though I will still be studying while there.  Fourth, getting to see some friends while we are there that we have not seen in a while.  But, some additional reasons have come to mind today for which I am very grateful.

William is a sweet and loving son.  He rarely gets into trouble, other than maybe for forgetting to pick up his toys and more often his books off the floor.  He is so smart, that homeschool is a breeze.  But he is a BOY!  When he goes out to play, I tell him to stay near the house, so I can find him easily and not to throw dirt or rocks, especially at people or animals, and not to hit with sticks.  But inevitably, the piles of rocks and sand in front of our neighbors' houses call to him.  Now playing in the sand piles does not bother me terribly in itself, because this sand tends to be pretty clean.  Nor do the piles of rocks bother me, as they love to climb on the mountains of rocks.  However, when playing turns to throwing, I get concerned.  Yesterday, William started throwing rocks.  His friend decided to throw them back.  One rock hit William on the side of his head.  There was apparently a continued exchange and then William got hit in the arm with either another rock or a stick.  My heart breaks when I hear my children crying and see them hurt, but at the same time I feel like he is receiving the consequences of his actions because he threw the first rock.  He just happens to not have as good of aim as the other boy yet.  But I do not want him hitting the other boy in the head either.  While it makes me sad in a way to think about William not seeing his friends for a while, it will give me the opportunity to relax knowing that there will not be any rock throwing while we are in the capitol.  I know boys will be boys, but it can give a mother heart failure to think of their child taking a rock to the head.

Mariama on the other hand is beginning to concern me with being too loving to others.  She is precious and loves her siblings so much, even the new baby girl before she even arrives.  She has a tendency to get in trouble more often though, choosing to enforce some rules to William while breaking the ones she wants.  She is so very smart, sometimes too smart for her own good or ours.  She is a girly girl, and yet she tries really hard to hang tough with her brother and his friends as well.  On Saturday, she was in on the rock throwing, despite the fact that I told her to leave the rocks alone.  She hit a bigger boy with a rock, so he hit her back with a stick.  Once again, it hurts to see one's child crying and hurting, but natural consequences will be faced.  Yesterday, however, she was playing outside and some bigger boys had brought her flowers they had picked (probably from our bushes).  Later on in the house, she was calling them her boyfriends.  I said we just needed to call them friends.  She reinforced that they were her boyfriends.  Boyfriends??--she is 4!! Now I am not unaware of the preschool or kindergarten "romance" among children.  But when the boys are easily as much as 5 years older than her, it is a little disturbing, especially in a culture where children tend to grow up so quickly.  Then in the afternoon, they came by the house and she was hugging them.  She is an affectionate child, but it is inappropriate in this culture for Rich and I to show one another public displays of affection.  We do not need her starting that at such an early age, or any age for that matter.  I let her go out and play on her own, particularly with the little girl from next door, but yesterday made me more concerned for her safety. 

How much freedom do I give without letting them be in danger and how much restriction do I put on them without being the mean white lady?  How do I show others that we want to be part of their lives and have them be part of ours without sacrificing their safety?  I know they will likely miss their friends a lot while we are in the capitol, but I am looking forward to a little relaxation of the mind and heart.  I am also looking forward to having a little down time with just me and them as well.  I am working on "being anxious for nothing but in everything, through prayer and supplication, making my requests known to God," but a little time that does not instigate the anxiety will be nice.  

Mariama's Day of Lying

I came home from class to find my children playing.  I had told Mariama that she could have gum that morning after she finished breakfast.  When I got home, she asked if she could have some.  I asked her if she had some already and she said, "No."  William chimed in that she had asked the boutique owner for some and he had given her some.  I asked her if this was true and she denied it.  I asked the househelper if she had some, and she showed me where the gum wrapper was.  I questioned Mariama again with two witnesses and evidence against her to give her a chance to tell the truth, she continued to vehemently deny that she had any gum.  After this she was disciplined, because she had lied.

Later that afternoon, we went outside to play.  I reminded Mariama not to go into houses asking for food, especially sugar, which she loves to eat raw.  Shortly thereafter, I heard Mariama yelling, "Wait", in the local language.  I tried to call her to me but got no response, possibly because she could not hear me.  I kept hearing her yelling "Wait!"  I went to check it out.  From inside the house she said she was not eating sugar.  I called her over to me.  She was covered in sugar, all over her face and clothes.  I asked her again about the sugar.  She vehemently denied eating any sugar.  It was apparent she had and likely that the ladies of the house were trying to get her away from the sugar, which is why she was yelling.  I sent her back to our house and gave myself time to cool off before going in to discipline her.

I could not believe that twice in one day she would lie so blatantly with so much evidence against her.  But it got me thinking later about sin in general.  Isn't that the way we all are with a sin we relish?  God sees and knows everything, and yet we act like He has no idea what we have been doing.  Evidence is stacked against us and we are caught with our hand in the cookie jar as it were, and yet we still try to deny our sin.  Why do we do that?  Do we think He does not know?  Are we trying to tell ourselves that we are innocent?  And yet the Father disciplines us to teach us and to make us holy as He is holy, for this is what He calls us to be. 

The Greatest Part of Mother's Day!

Living overseas and being a parent can bring many challenges!  Trying to get your children to learn a new language when they are playing with friends and not hitting with sticks or throwing rocks when they do not understand the other children for example.  Trying to teach your children that they cannot just do or have whatever they want when the culture says it is ok for small children or for children who are "special" like yours are.  Trying to get your children to play with the children rather than the animals because the animals are still such a novelty.  Teaching your children to just eat with their right hand and not their left, because the left hand is "unclean".  Teaching your children not to drink the faucet water because it is unhealthy and will make them sick and to treat them for heat rashes when the heat seems unending. Teaching them to just play rather than play according to their imaginations because often their imaginations just do not translate well. 

But the greatest part of my mother's day was also something that I would only have the pleasure of experiencing because of where we live.  We meet for worship each Sunday with the others on our team, which is another couple and two singles.  One of the greatest joys of being a parent is watching one's children worship and contribute to the worship of others, which often does not happen in the states. 

Mariama loves praise and prayer time.  She is great at singing and wants to make sure everyone gets involved, which is one of those times that her leader personality comes out in a good way.  She likes to ask each  person in the group if they have a song they would like to sing, so that no one feels left out or does not miss out on the opportunity to share.  She does have to be kept focused though, otherwise she will run away with the praise time.  She would have us sing for a full hour if she could.  She also is great about sharing prayer requests when it is time to share them.  She is especially good about remembering prayer requests that others have shared, much longer than most of us do.  She can be rather simple in her thoughts or repetitive, but she is only 4.  One of her praises yesterday was that we get to tell others about Jesus.  Now for her that means she has to show any one who comes into the house her bear that sings "Jesus loves me", but that is what she sees as her contribution.  Oh, if it were only that simple!!

Then William is our teacher/ preacher type, more quiet and reflective than Mariama but desiring to share what is on his heart.  William loves to share what he has read from his devotional or Bible or whatever other book about the Bible that he has.  He gets so excited about sharing that it is hard to get him to wait until the time to share scripture.  Yesterday, he did not just read the devotional and lead us in repeating the Bible verse and the prayer, but he even started it out by tying it to something from personal experience.  The devotional started out talking about the children being sad because a bird died and he tied it to the fact that our househelper's dad had died, a long time ago, but still a person close to him and not just a story in the devotional.  He often will also lead in singing a hymn, and it may not be one he knows the tune to but he likes the words.  His favorite as of late has been "Holy, Holy, Holy" but he is not bound to it alone.   

God has blessed me with two precious children, so very different from one another in their gifts and talents and personalities, but both so very aware of who He is and why we are here.  Often the things about them that cause me the most challenge at other times are the very things that are used to bless me when it comes to worship.   William has come to a personal relationship with Jesus, but Mariama has not as of yet, though it seems often that she is quite close.  I am so looking forward to seeing what this next precious gift that God is giving us will be like and how she will glorify the Father at even a young age.  I am so blessed to be their mom and pray that I teach them even half of what they teach me each and every day. 

Vocabulary teaches so much!

A culture's views on marriage and parenting tell so much about their culture.  Today in class I learned 5 words for a man to use meaning that he is married.  There are 5 other words for a woman to use meaning that she is married.  The words are almost the same for the man and woman but the endings are different.  The words for the man to use are in the active voice, meaning it is an action which he performs.  The words for the woman are in the middle and the passive voice meaning it is something that she does to herself or something which is done to her.

The word from the lesson which I started today is the most ironic to me.  For the woman, it is "joodoyaade" which means "to go to sit".    For the man, the word is "joodinde" which means "to make to sit."  Obviously the word sit could be interpreted stay, but it is still ironic to me.  The idea that a woman here would sit is humorous.  They have so much work to do, especially as they get married and have children.  The idea that they would be sitting is funny to anyone who has seen how hard these women work. 

The second word my teacher taught me, which I had already learned, was "mareede" for the woman, which means "to be kept, guarded".  The word for the man that corresponds is "marde" which means "to keep, guard."  This word is actually my favorite I think to express marriage.  It offers that security that women desperately need to feel in the marriage relationship and one of the purposes for men in marriage to protect her and the home.  Literally as I would say it would mean, "I am guarded."  I love that word picture!

The third term could be looked at either positively or negatively, depending on your personal experience.  The word for the man is "tiggude" meaning "to put a veil on someone", and for the woman "tiggeede" meaning "to be veiled".  Often brides in western culture will wear veils, but then they are unveiled for the groom as they marry.  I believe that is symbolic of how she has been protected and preserved for her husband.  With the idea of being veiled as a term of marriage, I see a picture of her beauty and preciousness being preserved still for her husband only.  It is not a prison for her but a means of protection and guarding.  A woman in the Bible who was not veiled was seen as a loose woman.  In Song of Songs, Solomon describes the bride's beauty which lay behind her veil, which was for he alone to know and cherish.  The women here wear a headcover when they are married, which is a type of veil, but not as restrictive as the veils other women wear.  The veil of the temple was to keep sacred the Holy of Holies.  I too like this word picture, though I know some would argue the negative side of this term.

The fourth term for the man is "resde" simply meaning "to marry" and "reseede" for the woman meaning "to be married".  This is the least informative and least descriptive of all the words used.

The fifth term for the woman is "hortaade" meaning "to be old or to no longer be tired" which is ironically humorous once again as the lives of the women here are quite tiring.  However, the term for the man is "hortinde" which means "to esteem someone very highly".  I am not quite sure why this pair of words does not sync up as well as the others, but I definitely like this term for the husband to use.  The idea that a husband would highly esteem his wife is fabulous.  Unfortunately it does not always happen as often as one would like.  But I am blessed in that I feel highly esteemed by my husband.   

Isn't language funny?  In English we have but one word, "married", and it offers so little in the way of a word picture.  But this language offers 5 different words for both the husband and the wife.  Which one is your favorite term and why?

Blessed beyond measure!

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more shall your Father, who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!"  Matthew 7: 11

I do not think I could have felt possibly more blessed than I felt yesterday!  The Father showered me with good gifts!  I will start with the insignificant and move to the most significant.

First of all, we did not just get one or two packages in the mail, one of which was for Easter, but three, one of which was for my birthday, still 3 weeks away.  We were so blessed with all the goodies, even the noisy toys from grandma.  We got candy, pajamas for the kids, a maternity top for me, a couple of outfits for baby, batteries, and bacon!  I am waiting until my birthday to get the rest of the birthday box.  My mom has really outdone herself lately.

Second, Rich went to pick up our new air conditioner unit.  We were trying to tough it out by waiting as long as we could to get one, but the time came that we just could not sleep at night.  It actually got to Rich sooner, but as soon as he had ordered it, I began being unable to sleep well either.  And for me, that problem will only increase over the next two to three months.  He knew that and did not want me to suffer from lack of sleep or his grumpiness from his lack of sleep.  My husband takes such good care of me!

Third, the Father was protecting my son from his own folly, when my six-year-old thought he would see how sharp my husband's razor was and shave his own head in the shower.  He shaved just a little patch of hair off and then a chunk off his thumb.  I was so thankful that the chunk was not out of his head, and that the thumb could be covered with a simple regular band-aid.  Anything that can be covered with a band-aid cannot be that bad.  Thank You Lord for Your protection over my son. 

Fourth, I got an email from my mother.  It is such a blessing to hear how happy they are these days.  They are the happiest they have ever been as they approach their 50th wedding anniversary in August!  In a day and age where 50th anniversaries are rare, and happier ones even more, it is a blessing to see.  It is also a blessing to have a father who is man after God's own heart, which is equally rare in this day and age.

Fifth, I had a short but good visit with a friend.  When I arrived, she was washing baby stuff by hand and then washing the baby.  Then she was ready to help me with my language class homework while she nursed her baby.  After we were done with the homework, I had her listen to a couple of the beatitudes that I am memorizing for my pronunciation.  She acknowledged them as truth and good, despite the fact that Jesus said them.  This is a small step, but significant as I get closer to sharing more and more truth with her. 

I was blessed beyond measure yesterday!  I am living the Great Adventure on my way to Paradise! (Yes, I have been listening to that one Stephen Curtis Chapman's greatest hits tape that we have.)  I cannot wait to see what the Father has in store for the future!

Denaboo!

So I went this morning to a baby naming ceremony, which is called a denaboo.  It is held on the eighth day.  In the morning, the child's head is shaved and officially named and prayed over.  Then depending on how elaborate, the family will serve a sort of oatmeal with sweet yogurt on top for breakfast, a lunch of rice and meat from a sheep that has been sacrificed, and then a snack or something in the afternoon. 

The one I went to today was different from any I had ever attended before.  I took a gift just like I would to any other denaboo, as you would take to visit after the birth of a child.  But then several men, including the husband and possibly their religious teacher, came in the room where I was visiting my friend and her baby and prayed over the gift I gave and for me.  It really was not that much of a gift yet appropriate to this culture.  Typically, I have just gotten a, "Thank you," and that been the end of it.  So I was quite taken a back to have such a big deal made over this small gift.  The family was doing what seemed a rather simple celebration, and while it is not their first child, it is their first boy.

On a more humorous note, my friend had given birth last Tuesday evening.  Apparently right after I left from my weekly visit, she went inside and gave birth at her house.  I had no idea that she was laboring while I was there.  It was just occurring to me that she was pregnant!  She said she would have named the baby after me had it been a girl.  I guess I missed out this time!

Many around us are already planning on us having a baby naming ceremony and talk about it.  I don't think they realize how long I have left!  We are trying to plan how we will do it differently, so that there will be no confusion over why or how we are doing it.  Pray for wisdom as we prepare for this event.

Priorities!

This week I have been convicted about my priorities!  But at the same time I just do not know where to start sometimes.  Some days I am really good about staying on task regarding language and ministry.  Other days I am really good about focusing on the kids' school and meeting their needs.  Unfortunately, all these things are easy to pay attention to when they are screaming so loudly, figuratively speaking, for my attention.  But the two people who are to have most of my time and energy are often the ones that get the least or at least not my best. 

I have a habit of waking up early to have my time with the Lord and a cup of coffee before anyone else wakes up.  This is great when I actually wake up on time and have had a good night's rest so that I am focused when I do get up.  Unfortunately, it has been difficult for me to either go to sleep on time or to stay asleep all night for one reason or another and so my time with the Lord suffers.  So then shortly after I finally get started with my quiet time, some cute little girl who is awake too early comes in and distracts me.  I try really hard to stay focused and send her back to bed if it is too early, but nonetheless I am distracted.  As a result, I sometimes feel like I am going through the drive-thru at McDonald's or worse yet, Krispy Kreme, where I get nothing of real substance to get me through the day.  I'm not saying everyday is this way, and have in fact had some really insightful times lately as well, but they are fewer and farther between than I would like.  Lord, help me to be more faithful in my times with You and to be at my best for You!

Then my day begins!  The following is an ideal schedule, though very few days are ever ideal!
7-8:15am Get the laundry going and breakfast ready,family prayer time, eat, and finish getting ready for class.
8:30-10:30  language class

11:00-1:00  Homeschool

1:00-2:00  Lunch and hanging out for a few minutes while all the yummy food settles
2:00-3:00 Rest time because it is too hot to do anything else, when we do not have meetings that is
3:00-5:00  Ideally study time tho often interrupted by "Mommy!  Can we...?" unless we did not finish homeschool earlier and have to finish at this time
5:00-5:30  Get redy to go visiting which means often a few minutes dedicated to Mariama to make visiting time smoother
5:30-7:00  Visiting or sitting outside to watch the kids play while I try to get in some more studying
7:00-8:00 (ok 8:30)  dinner and getting kids to bed
8:30-9:30  (ok 10)  Getting myself ready for bed and possibly watching a show on DVD with the hubby before collapsing asleep

As you can see, there is someone who gets my leftovers, and he deserves so much better.  Rich gets what is left of me at the end of the day, which I cannot say is very much, once the two blessings that are walking around are done with me in addition to the one I am currently incubating.  He is such a great husband and deserves my best!  Plus that is actually how the Lord designed it.  God--#1, Spouse-#2, and then kids and then whatever else.  Unfortunately, it is easy to get that order mixed up.  Lord, show me how I can show my husband that he has this significant place in my heart!  Lord, show me how to give my husband my best, and not just my leftovers!   Lord, thank you for this fabulous man that you have given me!

The Enemy's Tactics!

This week I was studying the temptation of Jesus as recorded in Matthew 4.  Several things struck me as interesting that maybe I had never thought of or that I had forgotten about. 

First, Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  When we are tempted, we often will say that God is nowhere around, but obviously God was there because the Spirit led Him, in addition to the fact that He is God in the flesh.  We act like we are hopeless and without ability to resist, and yet Jesus did resist because He was not alone, and neither are we.  My children recently drove me crazy with their response when I questioned them about why they had done something they were not supposed to do.  At different times for different offenses, each of them basically said, "Satan tempted me."  I was more infuriated rather than less, because that is so often the weak excuse we give, "The devil made me do it."  I agreed that he had tempted them but said that was not an excuse, because they were the ones who made the choice to listen and obey!

Then the tempter came to Jesus and said, "IF You are the Son of God,..."  The tempter knew very well exactly who Jesus was and what He was capable of doing, and yet he taunted Jesus by saying "if".  I will get to Jesus' response later.  But the tempter comes back a second time with "IF You are the Son of God..." and then proceeds to twist scripture.  Jesus responded to him again in the same fashion.  A third time the tempter comes at Jesus saying, "All these things I will give You, if You fall down and worship me." 

The tempter has not changed his tactics and yet we still fall for them.  He questioned Jesus' identity, and he questions ours as well.  "If you are really a Christian...."  "If you are really a child of God..."  "If you are really saved by grace..."  You fill in with whichever line he has used most on you.  Then he proceeds to twist the words of the Father, which he has done since approaching Eve in the Garden.  Then last but not least He makes promises that He cannot keep, and yet for some reason we think he can and will.  He promised Jesus the world, which was not really his to give.  He promises peace, an easy life, and pleasure, but all he brings is pain and grief and anything but peace. 

We must be wise to his tactics and learn from Jesus how to respond to him.  In each and every step of the temptation, Jesus quoted scripture to contradict what the tempter had said.  But that requires us learning and memorizing scripture, so that we are ready in the moment that we are tempted.  I have always wanted to learn more scripture but cannot say that I have always done the best job at carrying it out.  I was challenged anew this week to do that very thing and I would challenge you to join me, so that we might be ready for battle!  Take up your "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God."  Ephesians 6:17

"I knew you would not want me to go to there because I would be tempted."

Last Monday, we had a bit of a scare.  William had asked to go down to a friend's house when he first went outside.  He played down there for a while and then he began to go back and forth from playing elsewhere to playing out in front of our house.  When it came time to come inside to clean up, however, William was not to be found.  Rich had looked at the house that William had asked to go to and then called for him up and down the street while looking into the courtyards as he walked.  He checked next door which is a typical hang out for William as well.  Not finding him around here, Rich went over to another house a couple of blocks away.  Still not finding him, I texted our teammates to pray quickly that we would find him.  Rich went back to the beginning looked inside one of the houses where he had just looked at the courtyard.  Low and behold, William was found sitting inside the house watching cartoons on the television with the father of the family, despite no kids being around.  Needless to say we were thrilled to have him found and did have a talk about him needing to let us know where he was going if he changed from where he had already told us.  We also bought him a watch with an alarm, so that he would know what time to come home.

That night however as we talked about where he had been and the fact that he needed to let us know when he changed houses.  He said, "I knew you would not want me to go there because I would be tempted."  He had gone to that house before and just sat watching television.  When we send them outside to play, it is because they have had enough to watch and need to go play actively.  I pointed out that I would rather know where he was going and began to address that he obviously knew he should not go there if he did not want to tell me for that reason.

How often do we do that though?  We do not really want to talk to God about where we are going because we may get an answer that we do not want.  It may or may not necessarily be a temptation but not be exactly where the Lord wants us to be spending our time.  Maybe it is even a good place but it is not the best.  Maybe it is a place that is comfortable and the Lord wants to push us out of our comfort zone.  Maybe it is a place where we will be tempted and we do not want to run from the temptation.  Maybe we can say we can handle the temptation, but why do we test ourselves and then get mad at ourselves when we find ourselves giving into the temptation.  We would be wise to stay away from the place where we know we would be tempted.  How about you?  Are you talking to the Father about where you are going?

My life is not my own!

Well before I get started, this is likely to be very emotional so get your kleenex ready.  This blog stems from some very emotional moments lately by Rich and myself.  Don't be thrown off by them though; keep reading and see if the Lord speaks to your heart as He has spoken to mine.  I am going to work backwards on my timeline so stay with me.

This morning I was awakened by a dream of what may happen in a few months.  I and the children will be coming to the capitol a month or so before the baby is due.  Rich will bring us, spend a few days getting us settled, and then will return to our home for a few weeks until closer to the due date.  In my dream, I went into labor before Rich had come.  I proceeded to call him to come and then go to the hospital.  But after arriving, it was discovered that things were not moving along as they should and that something was hindering it from doing so.  I then had to make the decision on my own to go ahead with an emergency C-section without my husband by my side.  I called him quickly to tell him what was going on and to let him know he could stop driving quite so fast.  We would all be there when he arrived.  Well, I was greatly relieved when I woke up that this was just a dream, but at the same time had to deal with the fact that this was all a very real possibility.  I think this stemmed from a friend recently having to have a C-section, which was not her desire either.  Having to make that decision on my own would not be easy nor fun at all, but I could do it if necessary, particularly after a conversation with Rich a few weeks ago.

One Monday afternoon, Rich came home from class and I was sitting outside watching the children play and attempting to study.  I looked terribly pale to him and completely lacked all energy.  I had already been diagnosed with anemia and was trying to do what I could nutritionally to fix it as well as take my vitamin, but it did not always stay down.  Apparently what I was doing was not enough.  The way I looked combined with what Where There is No Doctor said about anemia quite frankly scared Rich.  The thought of losing me in the delivery of our child was more than he could bare.  He said it would be hard to see the child and not hurt for me.  So needless to say, we stepped up our efforts and got my prescription filled for a stronger medicine to treat the anemia as well as became even more proactive about my nutrition.  My husband and all my children need me too much to not take the best care possible.

So, my life is not my own!  It is not now because I have children depending on me for care and nurture and teaching.  It is not because I have a husband who desperately needs a helpmate.  But that really is not new, but rather has been the case since we were married, whether we realized it fully or not. 1 Corinthians 7:4 says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."   But further still, it has been a long time since my life was my own.  1 Corinthians 6:20 states, "For you have been bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body."  As a child, I made a profession of faith and claimed that I had been bought with a price.  I have struggled over the years with my own thoughts of how things should be and with the desire to "own" some part of me. But with the recent events, I am reminded that I am not my own, not just for my husband and children, but for my Lord who paid the ultimate price that I might have life more abundantly.  I am no longer a slave to sin which brings death, but a slave to righteousness which brings LIFE!  What a blessing after so many years, that I continue to be drawn deeper into the heart of the Almighty Father!

I pray that each of you knows the joy that this LIFE is, knowing the freedom that resides in the fact that your life is not your own.  May the Father bless you today anew!

"It takes a village to raise a child"??

This week I found myself apologizing twice to neighbors over situations with my children.  The first time was because I made a hasty defense of my child without knowing all the facts and had to go apologize after hearing the whole situation.  The second time I was trying to find out why my child had been disciplined by someone else because he did not know what he had done.  Sometimes the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child," is a good thing and sometimes not so much.  Here is my story!

Wednesday this week, I was staying inside to study while Mariama and William had gone outside to play.  William had gone to a house down the street, where I have frequented often and consider them to be friends.  I know he can play there safely and that if he does anything wrong, he will be redirected.  But so far as I can tell, he plays well with the children there and the adults like him.  Mariama had chosen to stay outside our house and play near .  Our guard was able to watch her and she was close enough to get water or let me know she needed anything.  After a while I heard Mariama hollering and a young woman was inside my gate making Mariama scream by teasing her.  I quickly told the woman who works next door to leave and that she ought to listen when a child says to leave them alone.  I came back inside to work more on what I was doing and then was called to come back outside.  A banana seller had come.  While out there I mentioned something about the situation to my guard.  He informed me that Mariama had initiated the teasing with the young woman by playing with her.  So the young woman was simply responding to what Mariama did and had come inside the gate because Mariama had run to hide.  When I understood that Mariama had started it all by acting improperly towards an adult in the first place, I had to eat some humble pie.  I went next door to apologize and explained my hasty reaction.  Mariama has had some rough days recently that I attribute to culture shock for lack of another explanation.  She said it was no problem and no need for apology, and then I stayed a bit to visit with the rest of the house.  First apology for the week down.

Today I was once again working on stuff inside the house and the children were sent outside to play in front of the house.  After quite a while Mariama came running to the house saying that William needed me to come quickly.  I went outside to see my son covered in dirt, not an uncommon site.  Mariama was telling me that a girl had hit him, and he was saying it hurt.    I asked what had happened and the children that had seen what happened confirmed it.  I had to pray quickly before going over there that I would not overreact but listen calmly.  I greeted as I went into the home and they directed me to the master of the house.  I went to greet him and since they did not come to me, I just began telling them I had a problem.  I said that someone from the house had hit my children and that I needed to know why so that I could explain it to them.  The master of the house denied it but the woman who had done it began to explain to him.  Then she came to me to explain.  I said that they did not know why because no one said anything to them.  She explained that they had been told to leave the dirt alone before and that they had been playing in it again.  The lady of the house came behind her to explain what the sand was for.  I said that they had not understood when they were told.  I said that no one had told me.  They did not understand the language well enough yet and that I could not correct them if I had not been told.    I apologized for myself and for them not obeying and messing up their dirt.    Another man came up behind me and began explaining also that it was good for the children to play in it because they get it in their eyes and it was dangerous for them.  I agreed.  I said they understand some but not all the language yet, so that is why they had not listened before.  It seemed to be resolved after  I apologized some more and we returned home.    Second apology for the week down, or is it the first for this week?? 

"It takes a village to raise a child" is nice when you don't have to worry about whether your children will be safe or not but is not so great when others discipline your child in a language they do not yet understand completely.  But you cannot have one without the other, I suppose, and thus I cannot relish one aspect and have too much contempt for the other.  Give me wisdom, Lord, in how to parent and help the children learn the language quickly, so that they can understand what not to do.  Lord, help me to make my children feel secure and let them know that I am always on their side first, but help them to learn that they are not able to do whatever they want either.  Teach me Your ways, O Lord!