Bad Situations, Good Results

Another title could be, "Yes, I am Human," because this is about some very real emotions, which are not always reliable and have to be worked through to get to truth.

Have you ever had someone frustrate you so much that you do something you should have done anyway?  Today I apparently needed a fresh look at my situation, but I did not like how it came about.

In middle school, I had a teacher that made completely chauvinistic remarks. (I will not say what school or his name, since I think he still teaches there.). It provoked my friends and I to say that we would succeed in order to prove him wrong. Yeah, maybe that was his plan, but it agitated us into it rather than inspiring us. 

When Rich and I as a young married couple began feeling called to serve overseas, we went to talk to a consultant who worked with a company for overseas service. Instead of inspiring us and helping us to know what we needed to follow where we felt God leading, he caused me to doubt my salvation at most and the legitimacy of my baptism at the least. It lead me to reflect and seek clarity on my conversion and baptism, which was good, but the reason I got there was not pleasant. 

I have had lots of excuses for not going bald in public, since we shaved my head. 

I am using head wraps and scarves because that is what I am used to overseas. 

People are uncomfortable enough with me in a scarf, so I don't want others to feel uncomfortable. 

Et cetera, et cetera.

But deep down, 

I was thinking of the woman who went out to lunch with her husband, and the waitress called them "gentlemen."

I was scared to look too manly, I.e. look like my brother, who is a handsome man but not who I want to look exactly like. (One of my children said they did think I looked like him at first.) 

Et cetera, et cetera. 

On the other hand, I have been encouraged by some amazing women who have walked this road before me. One even saying that she was told to say, "screw it," to those who had issues with her being bald. She said she could not say that, but she was told to think it.

Today a comment was made that brought me to tears, heaving ugly tears.  It does not really matter what was said or who said it.  Unfortunately, I will be hearing them in my mind for a long time. (Even when you forgive, the hurt does not easily go away.)  I wanted to say some really nasty things to and about the person who hurt me.  However, as Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, there is "a time to be silent, and a time to speak." There in my emotion was not the time to speak.  I wanted to slap someone, and I don't mean a Gibbs' slap. As Aunt Em from The Wizard of Oz said, "I've wanted to tell you what I've thought of you, but, well, now, being a Christian woman, I can't say it."  I finally got to the "I'll show them" phase, which is the point at which I touched up my makeup and posted the picture of me for all of Instagram and Facebook world to see.  I really should have done that a long time ago, like my husband wanted me to do.  I did not like the situation that brought me to that moment, but I am so glad I did it! 

As I worked through the four stages of grief as a result of this offense, I came to a full acceptance of the situation. 

Yes, I am bald!

Yes, I will be having a surgery in less than two weeks that will remove my breasts! 

Hair and breasts do not define who I am! 

I am a child of the One True King! 

I am beautifully made in His image! 

I am an Overcomer, just like every one of my sisters who have battled this terrible disease!  

No matter how many times you hear, "this is the one to have if you are going to have one," or how many survivor stories you hear, the very real threat of losing one's life when you see others who have not won their battle does not go away. 

I am mortal! Maybe I will beat this cancer and live a long life. Maybe I won't. But either way, My God is the One True King and my life is in His hands!