It's Just Hair, Right?

A week after round one, I began anticipating my hair falling out. I woke up each day with expectancy that this would be the day. I had even cut my hair short to make it easier, but it continued to hang in there.

I went back for round two. The doctor said he could already feel the tumors shrinking some, but he did not measure. We were encouraged and went downstairs for the treatment. Still being newbies to all of this, I had forgotten to get a test run when I got my labs done, so they had to do that before we could proceed. It was a longer day than we expected. Overall I still felt pretty well. I went back the next day for my fluids and my immunity booster. Once again I was still feeling good overall.

Saturday morning, Rich lead the kids in getting chores done around the house. Mariama had done a great job of mopping. Then I had energy enough to go get ready for the day. While in the bathroom, I realized that my hair was beginning to shed. With each run of my fingers through my hair, more came out. It was not a lot, but it was consistent throughout the day. I had a choice to make.

Two possible scenarios presented themselves. First, I have so much hair that it would be a while before anyone really noticed that it was coming out. Second, I have so much hair that it was going to be a big mess until I got rid of it all. Not wanting to mess up the house my children just cleaned and with encouragement from others who had walked this road before me, I agreed to let my husband shave my head. He volunteered to do it out of love and knowing I would be beautiful either way. We made it a family affair by having the children take pictures and short videos as the hair fell.  Rich lovingly caressed my head as my hair fell to the floor.

Then covered with little hairs, I decided it was time for a shower. As I rubbed my head where hair used to be, tears streamed down my face. Through the tears and water, I felt encouragement wash over me. "The hair will come back but the cancer will not." I looked at the port in my chest and felt my head. I knew this was just the beginning of many changes to come in my body through this battle, and yet I gained strength to face whatever will come. Feeling drained of physical energy, I went to lay down on our bed.

With it being Saturday night, it was time for the children to all take their showers and wash their hair. Rich said something to them about everyone needing to wash their hair. Mariama made a cute remark to Rich about his not needing to wash his hair, since his was all shaved off as well. William followed up a short time later with the fact that I did not need to wash mine either. I heard Rich take William to his room for a talk. When I saw Rich, I told him it was ok, that William was just stating the facts. Rich was not sure how sensitive I would be. William was not talking about how I looked, just stating a fact. It was funny. One cannot take one's self too seriously.

I wore a headwrap to church on Sunday. My next few days were my tired days. I felt better by Thursday, when it was time to go back for my lab work. My mother went with me to the doctor. He was able to tell her that I was his star patient because my labs were so good.

I went later that morning to look at head covering options, including cranial prostheses, also commonly known as wigs. I was not real sure but I warmed to the idea, especially after Lydia-Ann had said I did not look pretty without my hair (the honesty of a four year old) and Mariama thought it would be nice for me to have (the gentle love of my girly-girl). I went the next day with my husband, who had far too much fun with the idea. I chose a prosthesis and wore it the rest of the day. I began to get used to covering my head again like I do in Senegal as well as alternating with the prosthesis. Wednesday, everyone commented on how energetic I looked. "Of course I do, which means it is time for my next treatment."

As one of those who has walked this road before me reminded me, Luke 12:7 says, "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows."