How Dare I?

In our line of work, we say lots of hellos and unfortunately lots of goodbyes. The hellos are so sweet. They start when we first interview with the company.  We make lifelong friends who we connect with in spirit though we may never again see one another in person because of being spread across the world and varying lengths of service. 

After God finally got Rich and I on the same page, both feeling lead to serve overseas and in West Africa, we went to one of these interview times in January 2003. We met two wonderful couples that our hearts connected with at once.  We were told to wait about nine months and then get medical clearance again to go.  One couple was going to Central Asia, and the other was going to Germany to teach at an international school. 

The couple going to Germany left the summer of that year. Unfortunately within six months, the husband was diagnosed with cancer.  This young couple after serving less than a year was back in the states. I like many others asked why this would be? They are being faithful and the term was only two years long. Why now? After a year long battle, he gained his eternal reward. This young wife was left a widow. Why? They were serving the Lord. 

Since being diagnosed myself last year, this sweet couple has not been far from my thoughts. Despite my friend's loss, God has continued to use her to tell the Good News.  Though this young widow has since served in the company office, served overseas twice, and gotten married again in the last few years, she still remembers the day her husband died, which was ten years ago this week.  She has been such an encouragement to us throughout this time.  God used this couple's story to convict me the other day about some feelings I have had off and on lately. 

Any time our time line gets pushed back and is farther from us returning to our home overseas, I get put out.  I want to be back in the place that God sent us to make our home and doing the work He called us to do.  We have been there only a few years, and there is so much work left to be done. We have not made a dent, barely a drop in the bucket to what needs to be done.  Doesn't He know there are lost people there who need to hear the Good News?  That sounds almost blasphemous to say, and I obviously did not say it like that but maybe that is what I felt. As if my concern for the lost is greater than the Lord's. Ha! Not even close! 

Then there is the matter of the actual time involved. This whole process is likely to take just over a year, and there should be no reason for us not to be able to return overseas.  One year! Seriously?  How dare I complain about a year?  What is one year in the whole scheme of things? What is one year compared to the permanent displacement that our friends experienced, after being in their location only a few months? What is a year in God's timing? God's Word says that He is "not slow as some count slowness, but rather patient willing that none should perish."  So what is the purpose of this timing? What is God doing there that He wants to show is not about me, that I should take credit for it?  Who am I to be sharing with here?  How dare I complain about the timing?

Not to us, O Lord, not to us. All for His glory!