This is too much!!

Recently, I came to the point of saying, "This is too much!!"  I didn't just say it once, but actually came to that point at least 3 different times in one month.

I am a people-pleaser by nature.  I struggle terribly if I know someone is upset about something.  I think of every reason in the world why someone may be upset.  I have been freed from this by the love of the Father and freed to please just Him, but it does not mean that it does not still run through my mind.  The longer it goes unresolved, the worse it is.

Working with other people and personalities can be difficult.  Trying to communicate is a challenge because you have stuff going on in the speaker, stuff in the hearer, and stuff going on around that clouds things.  I had done something that had offended a team mate.  Due to various circumstances, we were not able to resolve things for a time, waiting for us to be in the same place to talk.  In the end I had offended in spite of trying to not offend in a different way.  I love the foot-in-mouth taste!

Then I had to sit down with a local sister.  Over the course of the last year, I had made a number of cultural mistakes that had offended her and others.  I have no idea how many others I had offended because I was culturally unaware.  It is a reminder that it is not enough to learn another language.  Language is the least of our differences.  It hurt my heart to know that I had offended her and that she had been bearing all of this so long. 

As if all that had not been enough, I had spent so much time getting ready for and starting home school that I admittedly gave scraps to my husband.  When we did spend time together, I was so tired and grumpy that I was not pleasant to be around. I had a terrible case of cabin fever as well from focusing on it so much as well.  As a result our marriage relationship was strained, though I was trying my best with what I had left over.  But that was just it, leftovers.

In just about every relationship possible, I had come to the point of it just being too much.  In every instance, too, it was almost completely me.  I needed to get out of my tunnel vision.  I needed to set my sights on the One above all of those little things.  "Be Thou My Vision"  When I am worried about my stuff, I inevitably fall.  When I focus too much on others and worry about saying or doing every little thing just right, I fail.  When my eyes are set on Him, my paths are made smooth.  Help me, Father, to seek You and Your Kingdom first.