A broken and contrite heart.

Today's lesson came through my child, although I guess a lot of my lessons do.  Yesterday Mariama had a hard time obeying, specifically her daddy.  It was not new stuff but a handful of things all on the same day.  Daddy had given her a direct order, but then she disobeyed as soon as daddy stepped inside.  She has specific boundaries of where she can play outside and she is only to be out there when one of us is there to watch her.  She ran from the back courtyard to the front and out the door.  I stepped out to say she needed to come back since we were not out there.  Not only had she gone outside, but she had gone beyond the boundaries.  Then last night as they went to bed, she was playing as Rich put them to bed.  He told her to stop but she did not.  After a couple of warnings, she was made to get in her bed rather than sleep on the cushions they had laid on the floor.  She had her immediate punishment, but something more needed to be done after the repeated disobedience of the day.

A few weeks ago Mariama and Lydia-Ann had gone over to our househelper's house to play.  Mariama had asked if they could go again sometime.  I told our househelper how much Mariama was wanting to go again.  Thursday our househelper said she wanted to take all three of the children on Saturday morning.  We agreed as long as all of them were well.  However, after yesterday's behavior, we just could not trust Mariama to behave out of our sight if she could not do so in our sight.  Thus we allowed William and Lydia-Ann to go today but Mariama stayed home.

I had to make it clear to Mariama that this was not going to be playtime with Mommy and Daddy.  This was a consequence of her actions.  No buying treats at the market run which needed to be made.  No going to drive on the airport runway when going to dump the bag of dirty diapers.  No tea parties.  No fun.  Chores and playing by herself were on the agenda.  Even at that, I started to worry that the point was not being made.  As lunch time approached though, she fell into tears about missing William.  She was lonely without him, and she was having to do chores while he was having fun.  I asked her if it felt good to be as sad as she was.  She said that it was not good. I told her that her daddy and I felt just that bad if not worse yesterday when she disobeyed.  She seemed to understand then, but only time will tell.

As hard as it was for me to see my little girl hurting, I knew that it would take a moment of brokenness for her to be truly repentant.  Isn't that the way it is for me though?  If I am in my sin and I get a slap on the wrist or even a little "spanking" that hurts for brief moment, I em quick to return to it.  However if the pain I feel brings me to tears and brokenness, I am more likely to actually change my ways.  Some people mistakenly think God relishes the times that we are broken.  I think instead that His heart breaks just as mine did to see Mariama so sad.  Rather it is the restoration of relationship that He relishes.  (As a disclaimer, I am not saying that all times that we are broken and come to tears is due to our sin.  Sometimes it is due to the sin of others.  But sometimes it is our sin, and it is this that I am speaking of now.)