"Remember How Far You Have Come"

On a trip to Kenya almost four years ago, I got to feeling sick on our last night and was laying on the floor. A "friend" of mine took a picture of me. Since this is not the general picture I would take, I asked her why she did it. She said something along the lines of, "It's good to remember how you felt and how far you have come."

I cannot say that I am in total agreement with my "friend," but I am trying to remember that lesson today.

Today I go for a post-operative checkup with my plastic surgeon. He will unwrap the bandages and change the dressings over where I had surgery last week. I admit to being nervous about what that will look like. I am preparing myself for something traumatic.

However I am reminding myself of how far I have come. Last week I could not even get out of bed by myself.  In the wee hours of the morning today, I rolled out of bed to use the bathroom, took my medicine, and got back in bed all by myself. Last week, I was just happy to have someone else clean my face. Today, I was able to clean my face and even put on some make up. Though I had finished chemotherapy, not all my hair was gone, i.e. I had kept my most of eyebrows, eyelashes, and arm hair.  Now, I find that the hair on top of my head is already starting to grow back.

Cancer is a battle. Today, I have a feeling that I will feel like a wounded warrior.  Much like a soldier draws strength from his fellow soldiers, I will draw strength from my fellow warriors.
I will remember how far I have come.
I will press on!

Update: the appointment was not nearly as traumatic as I imagined. I think I pictured a sunken chest, not really sure why, maybe because I have seen that before in those ill overseas. However, my lungs and rib cage are just fine. Yes, there are scars and things do look different, but it was not nearly as traumatizing as I had prepared myself to see. Two of my five drains were removed, which was painful but showed progress.  So grateful for good reports.  Last week, I underwent a painful   procedure. This week, there are no cancer cells in my body. Where the cancer cells were in the lymph  nodes and breast were all removed. The only node with cancerous cells still post chemotherapy only measured 7mm. Bam!  Take that cancer!

Would You Rather...?

"Would you rather?" seems to be a popular game these days. We have bought the travel version of the board game for one of our children. (Shhhhh, don't tell. it's for Christmas.) We have friends overseas who play a game called, "Would you rather" Wednesdays to help their prayer supporters understand a little more about where they live. 

Going through chemotherapy is a lot like playing "Would you rather?" One has to make choices in how they will expend their energies, even more than normal.

For example, a single mom going through chemo with teenagers and young adults might need to use her energies to work to support her children, who are able to help her out more around the house. They do not need her constant care and are even able to care for her. Thus she would choose to use her energies to work, and then collapse once she gets home. 

Someone who loves to exercise might use their energies to get back to running.  That is obviously not me.

For me, I chose to save my energies for my children once they got home from school.  I would rest most of the time during the day so that I would have enough energy to help with homework. Since we are not homeschooling through this, helping with homework helps me to feel connected with them. They will sometimes say that they miss homeschool. However, I think they would sometimes rather me not oversee their homework, as many corrections as I find for them to make. 

Yes, as a result of chemotherapy, I have had to make choices about how to expend my energies. Sometimes I have been kept in check by a sweet lady at church telling me I am doing too much. 

However, we all make choices everyday about how to expend our energies and our time.  Though we might sometimes feel like things or people are stealing our time and energies, honestly, we choose how to spend them. During this time, my list of things to dedicate my energies to has been short. I am looking forward to the time I have more energy and can do more things, but I will still have to choose how I use it. 

So what would you rather??