I don't belong here!!!!

Ok, don't get scared by the title.  I am not freaking out.  I am not saying we are moving back to the states.  Just keep reading.

It often happens here as we are driving along roads, especially long drives.  We say to one another or just to ourselves, "We live in Africa!"  You would think after the preparation it took to get here and the 16 months that we have lived here that we would be passed this.  But I have heard of others who asked veteran workers here when that feeling goes away, to which the veterans responded, "I don't know.  When it does, I'll let you know." 

Not too long ago, I had one of those moments, but it was more specific.  It was the "I am in the minority" realization.  As I drive through neighborhoods here, I find myself surprised to see pale faces, especially ones that I do not know.  I am used to driving and walking amongst a sea of dark faces, most of the time.  I can dress like they do, speak as they do, and even carry my baby on my back like they do, and still I will be the object of stares.  In fact when I carry the baby on my back, I get corrected if she just slips an inch, where as the local women can have their babies practically hanging down to their knees with no one correcting them.  No matter how much I try to be as one of them, my skin color will always give me away. 

On that note, it is difficult being stereotyped for one's skin color.  Because I am white, I "am rich, speak French, do not speak a local language, am unreligious and do not pray or know God."  All of the above things are untrue.  It is assumed that we do not know the culture or customs here.  People may come when they need help expecting us to give them all they need because we are "rich", when the culture is to only give some of what is needed thus sharing the burden of providing with others.  It is assumed that strangers can come begging for something from us, without greeting properly, which is thoroughly improper.

Sorry for that rabbit trail. Back to my point.  As I drove our truck through a sea of dark-faced children, I was reminded that I do not belong here.  But it is more than skin color that separates me.  Many of those around me are not followers of Jesus.  Many of those that claim to be Christians are catholic and are only so by birth, because they were born into a catholic family.  In fact, most of the people here are their religion because of the family that they are born into.  There is very little personal belief.  For example, the religious myth I touched on earlier.  I am American and thus I am a Christian for that reason.  TV shows from America must also be Christian.  So what is seen on TV is what I am like. Wrong!

"My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by your truth; your word is truth.  As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world." John 17:15-18

I do not belong in this world, much less in this specific place.  I pray that you will know the Father's presence when you do not belong. 

Waiting can be such an anxious time!

Waiting!  It is one of my least favorite things to do in the world, especially when it is waiting that I can do virtually nothing about.  I have been known to go a different route in traffic, not that it got me there any sooner but at least I was not sitting and waiting.  But the last couple of weeks have been the hardest I think ever because I have been filled with so much worry. 

Before we came to the capitol, we had a plan.  Rich would drop us off. He would stay here a few days to see the doctor with me and then go back to our town for two to two and a half weeks and then return to the capitol.  But two weeks ago, the doctor's announcement changed our plans.  Upon seeing me, even before examining me, he begged me not to have the baby that week because he was not going to be there.  After examining me, he said I would wait a week, maybe two, but not three or four.  So we had to shift plans.  We had not packed stuff for Rich to stay that long.  He had not let people down there know he was going to be gone that long and had even said he would do something for some of our teammates.  There was stuff we left that we planned on him bringing up with him.  He had planned on taking some language classes for a couple of weeks and so we had not brought all our language materials.  Would it be worth the gas for him to go back for just a week?  After all, most of the stuff we left behind could be purchased here in the capitol. But could we risk him missing the birth of our third child???  The answer for all of us was "No!" 

So what were we to do??

Well, we had some medical things that Rich was needing to get taken care of here in the capitol, so we would try to accomplish those things while we waited.  We quickly shifted gears and got Rich into a doctor to get those things started.  Rich had some "minor" surgery within days of us being told that I would not wait but maybe two weeks.  So during his recovery, I became a little nervous about going into labor while he was still recovering and how much focus he would have on me or how much I would be able to care for him.  But he recovered and more time passed.

I went for monitoring last Thursday and expected to hear positive news, since I had been having lots of contractions since we arrived in the capitol.  The contractions were good enough for the midwife to call the doctor.  Unfortunately, upon his exam, I was not any more or not much more progressed than I had been a week and a half before.  He told me I was too stressed and that I needed to relax, so that the baby would come.  Stressed???  Relax??  Who was he talking to?  Seriously??

So I came home and looked through my pregnancy books to look for tips that might help and tried to think of ways to go about relaxing, since it is not a natural past time for me.  One of the books suggested warm baths with a few drops of lavender oil each time.  I finally thought of where I could get some essential oil and found lavender.  I began taking warm baths twice a day.  I did not know if it would really work for what the book said, but at least I would be clean and move in the right direction of relaxing.  I followed my morning bath with a nap, had an afternoon rest with the rest of the family, and then took my evening bath just before bed.  I even had a cup of tea or a little glass of coke while I was soaking.  Sounds like a pretty relaxing routine right?  Well I still did not feel relaxed, and cried more in those couple of days than I had the past several weeks. 

Saturday evening though, as I sat and soaked, I began crying out to God.  And the Father heard me!  I was concerned about what would happen if she did not come soon and that we had "wasted" this time that Rich could have returned to our town.  But the Father reminded me that we made the best decision that we could with the information the doctor gave us.  That is all we could go on to make our decisions.  Now if the doctor were to be wrong, we could not help that.  Good, bad, or indifferent, this is what we decided needed to happen and that could not be reversed.  As for the "wasted" part,  God knew what I could handle as far as caring for the kids on my own and He knew how much Rich could not handle being apart from us.  Anything that we could have done differently was in the past and could not be changed.  No going back in time now. 

Today marks two weeks.  If she comes this week, then yea--everyone will have been right.  If she takes longer than the doctor thought, hahaha--she fooled him!   If it takes up some of our vacation time as well as medical and paternity leave for us to be here, that is ok too, because we have it and have not hardly used any in the last year.  Whatever happens, the Father knew what was best for everyone in our family.  The Father also has perfect timing, even if I do not know His schedule.  He is still working to fashion Lydia-Ann together in my womb, and she will come out when He is done!  I am thankful that God is God and I am not, and that He continues to teach me to trust Him more each day.  He is still working to fashion me into more of His likeness as well.